Today is the most depressing day ever

The day after x-mas. Have to go back to work and yesterday was a distant memory. We turn on our radios and listen to the rap again and no more Lifetime Christmas movies. You have to wait another year for Christmas. Unlike some people, I don't have a job and now i just mope around the house, stuffing your face cuz there's nothing else to do. I celebrated all my Christmases yesterday. Now we are taking down the tree, the decorations around the house. It's like we are erasing the joy that once was in our house. i don't know how anyone else thinks about the day after, but to me, it's the worst day ever:(

Please stop talking to me

When you feel like crap and all you want to do is cry in a dark corner but you can't because their is someone buzzing around you like a mosquito and you want to sh mush them. one word...my mother. i love me mom dearly but sometimes i want to yell or freak out at her. "Leave me alone!" just let me cope. nope she has to keep poking at me. i like to keep stuff to myself and not really show my emotions to anyone. i just feel that people don't need to see that. you think 15 years have past and my mom would get the idea...not at all. even my older sister has been using her psychology stuff on me. me and my dad are alike. I've seen my dad cry maybe twice? once at my sisters graduation and when her was at the funeral of his grandma. I've becoming smart about it, i put a fake smile on and wait until they go to bed, then in my room and break down.

i think i'm obsessed:)

i love movies. anyone who knows me, associates me with movies.if i could watch movies 24-7... in a heart beat, i would be on the couch. when i watch movies, any thing from romance-action-sci-fi, i get lost in the lifestyle. i want my life to be like that. there days are like a roller coaster ride and i wish i could have that. to the life and death experiences so i could feel alive or i'm worth something. yesterday my sister counted all the DVDs we have and we have 176 movies. that's not even counting all the VHS we have too. and i haven't seen about a handful of movies we have. when someone asks me what my favorite movie is... i seriously can't tell which one is my favorite. i love the harry potter movies and lord of the rings, or gladiator, Italian job, the notebook, my list can go on and on. is it said that my x-mas list was a page of DVDs? it's true. i told my mom that's what i wanted. on break you will find me sitting on the couch watching movies:)

my greatest fear

some people fear of spiders, heights or dying, but for me...my greatest fear is dying before i get to live. right now, i sometimes feel like a robot. wake up, go to school, sport, eat, homework and go to bed, wake up and do the same thing over. so my fear would be dying today or while i'm still young. i'm not afraid of going to heaven or meeting god. i want to die very old....like over 100 years old.(i know you can't choose when you die) i have big plans for myself....to go to medical school, travel the world, get married, be successful. i just can't stop thinking about it. you hear stories on the news about young people dying and it eats me up inside. they say your teen years are the best years.... i don't think so. i believe it gets better as you grow up. :)

expectations

My parents have every high expectations for me. they want me to get straight A's and don't get in trouble. the perfect child. i don't know if i can be that person. my older sister graduated with a 2.9 gpa and she was homecoming queen and she also was the speaker at her graduation. i feel i have huge shoes to fill and my parents compare me to her and i'm not her. i don't get the perfect grades and i'm not miss popular either. i sometimes feel like i am a failure to them and i just want to crawl in a hole and cry. i just don't know what to do.

what happens when we die?

on Friday i had a viewing.my great grandma died at the age of 102. it was an open casket, and it was weired looking at a dead person. then i was thinking about what happens when you die. when your little they tell you that when you die you will go to heaven and live in the clouds. but what if there isn't any pearly gates? do we have any knowing were dead or do we just rot? it's a question that no one knows... so we have our faith to tell us whats going to happen. i believe in heaven and god, but sometimes i think about...when we die, do we die and that's it? then there's the question...are you afraid of dying? personally I'm not afraid to die..I'm afraid to die too early before i get to live life. it's a topic i think about a lot and maybe to much. but i bet a lot of other think about it too.

am i losing my best friend?

since i was about a month and a half i've been best buds with anna. our parents were friends so we were always together. we went to the same daycare, elementary school and we lived across the street from each other. in kindergarten we would tell people that we were sisters. i remember during the summers we would spend weeks together playing house and playing barbies. we could finish each others sentences. i called her mom my 2ND mom. i didn't even bother ringing the doorbell...i was part of the family. nothing was holding us back. then she moved.... (she still lived in the same town, but she was out in the country) then we started making new friends....then we were busy with different sports....then boys....then we don't have the same classes. Now i see anna at lunch and that's it. the last time we hung out was August. it's now the end of October. we used to tell each other everything, now she has a boyfriend and she didn't tell me until a week later at the lunch table with everyone else. if i got a boyfriend i would call her up the second it happened. are we really starting to go our separate ways? we used to talk about our weddings and how we would be each others maid of honor and getting old and still lived right by each other. now we don't even talk like we used too. it's ripping my heart to even think about losing anna. i feel almost in a daze and not comprehending this. last night i had a talk with my mom about this and she told me that maybe we are going our different ways. but we can't be!! i need anna, she's my best friend, the one person who didn't judge me. am i losing her?

What's the big talk about?

I've just started the New Moon book. It's the second book of the Twilight series. These books are so amazing! I don't really like to read much, but I can't put these books down. Everyone i talk to is so in love with these books. i think its going to be the next harry potter. it's that good:) now i can't even wait till the movie comes out. the previews just leave you wanting more. the cast is so gorgeous. the male actors could be gods. flawless. I'm already 300 some pages in and I'm so captivated in it. i feel like a nerd sometimes when all i want to do is sit and read these books. it's all i think about now. i think I'm obsessed. the only thing that stinks is when the movie comes out on Nov. 21st, i have state swimming that same weekend and i don't think our coaches are big fans:) oh well maybe everyone will persuade them.

I HATE BRACES!!!

I hate braces! I've had braces now for about a year and a half and i now that it's not as long as some people but they are driving me crazy! Now i have to wear rubber bands and i feal even more selfconscience about them. they susposed to straightin your teeth and make them perfect but at what cost? When you first get them on and when you smile all you see is metal face. or when you eat and the food gets all stuck in them and you feel so totally dumb. the pain they have, it feels like your teeth are getting ripped out of your month. when people want braces on, i just want to slap them across the face and say"are you dumb! i would gladly trade with you!" hopefully i get mine off soon and then move away world, hear comes Amy!! :)

i don't want to be old

i don't want to be old. today my great grandma had her 94th birthday party. we think it might be her last one. she has been going to the hospital and now is at St. Johns nursing home. you know when you get old and you forget things and don't really know what is going on. for example, today we gave her flowers and told her it was from us and when we came back and she said," look at these beautiful flowers, who did i get these from?" or when she can't remember my name. i just really don't want to get like that and not know whats going on. i just want to be like Peter Pan and be young forever. or you walk around and look at the rooms and see them just sit there and watch TV or sit and look at the world go by. i just really don't want to be like that. but the other outcome wouldn't be good eaither dying youg. i just hope i have family and friends that will always be there for me:)

Love

love. What is the true meaning of love? The dictionary says its a strong liking for, but what does it mean? You can't see love only feel it. How do you know your hearts have connected as one? My neighbors just got married tonight and they are so nice and it got me thinking about finding your true love. How do you know you found it? There's like billions of people in the world and supposed to find your one and only love? don't get me wrong i want to find my soul mate, like in those romance movies, but today in society the divorce rate has gone up. i really don't want to be apart of those statistics but i don't know whats in my future. what i really want is to have a relationship like my parents. they have been married for 25 years and are still going strong. but you meet some people who have been married 3 or more times and you think"wow, maybe they shouldn't get married anymore". or at Las Vegas and doing the whole Elvis thing.... that's really going to last. so hopefully i get lucky and meet my someone special and never have to do the whole legal thing.

Big news in a small town

Today I went to the Extreme Makeover site and the house is coming along. The family is nice as i've been told. Derick is in my grade, but I really don't know him. I've been standing out there for about 4 1/2 hours. It was so worth it, I got to meet Paul and wave at Traci and Edward. Hopefully meet Ty too:)This is big news for a little town of Albert Lea/Hayward. On Tuesday I'm going to watch them "Move that bus" and we are leaving early so we can get a good spot. The whole town will probably be there. Hope you had a good weekened.

I feel totally blessed

I LOVE my family. Everyone from my grandparents to even my little sister. I look so forward to family birthday parties and Christmas. My older sister is the nicest and caring person I know. My grandma is so sweat and makes the best cinnamon bread ever! My parents work so hard everyday to give me and my sisters a better life then they had. Sometimes I feel bad when we go out shopping and my mom buys stuff for us and nothing for herself. My dad is so smart and doesn't even give himself credit. You can ask him a question about word and he knows the definition: we call him the walking dictionary. I know that I can go to them for anything. Some people don't have that but I do. My family means so much to me and I don't know what I would do without them:)

Seriously......

Wow Twins. That's all I have to say. So they beat the White Sox series (3 games) and it was amazing, they were in the lead by 1/2 of a game. Now they can't even beat Kansas. Seriously twins you were in the lead and now the White Sox took it back. Yesterday they lost 8-1 and today they lost 4-2. Tomorrow the Twins need to win and the White Sox need to loose. The Twins play a great game with really tough teams but when the teams are okay, the Twins slack and loose. Now I'm very mad at the Twins and they need to win!

Go Twins!

Today was the finale game against the Rays and a must win to keep going if they want to play at the playoffs. The fourth inning was the incentive for the Twins. Winning 4-1 over Tampa Bay at Tropicana Field. Mike Redmond, Joe Mauer, Adam Everett, and Carlos Gomez with some big hits and runs. The Twins trail 2 1/2 games behind the AL leaders The Chicago White Sox. The win ensured the 3 game series against the Twins and the White Sox. Thats very exciting news for Twins fans, like myself, that they have a chance to snatch the title away and go to the playoffs. The series opener against the White Sox starts on Tuesday 23,2008, at 7:10 pm.

When is there too much stress?

Being a teenager this days is stress full. I'm a 10th grader this year and I was so excited about not being "The Freshman". But with the new school year means homework again. With a 7 period day and the class time of 45-50 min. classes. When the teacher really gets into teaching the bell rings. Have you ever have a teacher who yells out the homework right when you walk out the door? That happens a lot to me. So, you finish the school day, ready to go home...wait after school activities. Now you have to go to practice or a game. You have to get your mind ready for that, but you can't forget the math assignment or the history paper due tomorrow. Sometimes you don't get home until 10 or 11 at night. You are so tired when you get home, that you don't even want to think about homework. For swimming we also have 2 morning practices a week and you have to be in the pool at 6 in the morning. But you can't forget about household chores either. Cleaning the room, doing dishes, or farm chores. Also there is athletes that have jobs to save money for college. That's my weekly struggle to push through. So when is there too much stress?

Hi! I'm a swimmer and today I had a meet at Lakeville, MN. It was a fun meet with everything relays and not any individual races. There was a lot of teams there and the pool was tiny. We got stuck on the side with about 10 chairs and our team has 21 people. Right were our stuff was, was were everyone wanted to walk by. I got pushed and shoved and almost fell in the pool. Don't you just hate it when you are trying to get somewhere and its crowed and the people stop right in front of you and start talking? You can't even get around them, I hate that. I didn't swim my personal best and I knew that I could swim better but my body was just not havin' it today. My coaches made a comment saying "are you swimming in molasses?" Thats another thing that I don't like is when you know your having a bad day and then your coaches are making it worse. Well, that was my day today, hope yours was good:)