Today is the most depressing day ever

The day after x-mas. Have to go back to work and yesterday was a distant memory. We turn on our radios and listen to the rap again and no more Lifetime Christmas movies. You have to wait another year for Christmas. Unlike some people, I don't have a job and now i just mope around the house, stuffing your face cuz there's nothing else to do. I celebrated all my Christmases yesterday. Now we are taking down the tree, the decorations around the house. It's like we are erasing the joy that once was in our house. i don't know how anyone else thinks about the day after, but to me, it's the worst day ever:(

Please stop talking to me

When you feel like crap and all you want to do is cry in a dark corner but you can't because their is someone buzzing around you like a mosquito and you want to sh mush them. one word...my mother. i love me mom dearly but sometimes i want to yell or freak out at her. "Leave me alone!" just let me cope. nope she has to keep poking at me. i like to keep stuff to myself and not really show my emotions to anyone. i just feel that people don't need to see that. you think 15 years have past and my mom would get the idea...not at all. even my older sister has been using her psychology stuff on me. me and my dad are alike. I've seen my dad cry maybe twice? once at my sisters graduation and when her was at the funeral of his grandma. I've becoming smart about it, i put a fake smile on and wait until they go to bed, then in my room and break down.

i think i'm obsessed:)

i love movies. anyone who knows me, associates me with movies.if i could watch movies 24-7... in a heart beat, i would be on the couch. when i watch movies, any thing from romance-action-sci-fi, i get lost in the lifestyle. i want my life to be like that. there days are like a roller coaster ride and i wish i could have that. to the life and death experiences so i could feel alive or i'm worth something. yesterday my sister counted all the DVDs we have and we have 176 movies. that's not even counting all the VHS we have too. and i haven't seen about a handful of movies we have. when someone asks me what my favorite movie is... i seriously can't tell which one is my favorite. i love the harry potter movies and lord of the rings, or gladiator, Italian job, the notebook, my list can go on and on. is it said that my x-mas list was a page of DVDs? it's true. i told my mom that's what i wanted. on break you will find me sitting on the couch watching movies:)

my greatest fear

some people fear of spiders, heights or dying, but for me...my greatest fear is dying before i get to live. right now, i sometimes feel like a robot. wake up, go to school, sport, eat, homework and go to bed, wake up and do the same thing over. so my fear would be dying today or while i'm still young. i'm not afraid of going to heaven or meeting god. i want to die very old....like over 100 years old.(i know you can't choose when you die) i have big plans for myself....to go to medical school, travel the world, get married, be successful. i just can't stop thinking about it. you hear stories on the news about young people dying and it eats me up inside. they say your teen years are the best years.... i don't think so. i believe it gets better as you grow up. :)